Archive for category Psychology
It occurs to me that I, like other INTJs, tend to exhibit a specific brand of arrogance wherein I (in my mind, quite reasonably) expect other humans to consistently respond to stimuli in a rational, reasoned, predictable, deterministic manner. When this doesn’t happen, I’m (again, quite reasonably) flummoxed. This should come as no surprise to those who’ve studied Hackerdom: We tend to see humans as biological machines and consciousness as a program that’s running on those machines. When we see these kind of responses, our immediate inclination is to debug the obviously malfunctioning software. As people don’t tend to appreciate being thought of as “broken,” this is perceived as arrogance on our part (that of the Hackers) as we assume ourselves (quite naturally) to be representative of logical perfection (even when this isn’t the case, thus misleading us and blinding us to our own shortcomings in non-intellectual pursuits, paradoxically to the normally-perfect understanding of what we do and do not know).
So, I’m apparently an alcoholic. At least according to an amalgam of sources including the Mayo Clinic.
When I logged in to dustpuppy just now, I was greeted with a quote from Edsger Dijkstra, father of C++:
The use of antropomorphic terminology when dealing with computing systems is a symptom of professional immaturity. Read the rest of this entry »
The title is a reference to the (in)famous Bierleichen (lit. Beer Corpses) of Oktoberfest – patrons who have drunk themselves into unconsciousness. In my mind, a Kaffeeleiche isn’t one who’s drunk too much coffee but one who’s not drunk enough yet. See, I’m accustomed to a regular cycle of wake up, eat breakfast, drink coffee, code, game, whatever, eat sugar + fat, drink more coffeee, game, code, eat lunch, etc. Generally my coffee consumption ends at noon unless I’m going back to coding. Sometimes I drink Bawls instead of coffee in the afternoons when I’m coding.
I found out that Coffee doesn’t help my golf game – it hinders it. So I abstain from coffee on days I go golfing. My tee time is 11:45 this morning. Since I am lacking sufficient concentration of methylxanthine in my bloodstream, I find myself less than capable in most tasks. Example: I tried to code and forgot how to write a semi-colon. I tried to play WoW but forgot I actually had to fight the monsters, not just stand there and watch them tear me limb from limb. I tried to read xkcd but ended up just clicking “Next” repeatedly without actually looking at the comics.
I already know that I have a psychological dependency on caffeine. The doc proved that one earlier. Once in a while, I detox for a few days and then get back on it again. Getting back on is harder than getting off. After I’ve stopped coffee for a sufficient period of time, then when I do have it I get the shakes, upset stomach, rapid heart rate, etc. Which is frustrating because I like caffeine for the mental and psychological benefits, not the physical. Why does my CNS have to also control the rest of my body? Shouldn’t there be a way to fuck with the adenosine cycle without altering the rest of my metabolic systems?
As part of a career assessment from WCTC, I took a battery of tests. After all was tallied, they found some interesting results:
Once in a while (less often now that I’m on SSRIs) I get into a mood where I think that the universe is conspiring against me. This time, I’m convinced that it’s mocking my lack of meaningful female companionship.
I have been professionally diagnosed with mild to moderate hypochondriasis. It’s comorbid with my Anxiety Disorder (along with mild OCD) and probably indirectly related to my Asperger’s but that’s hard to prove and not clinically documented. At any rate, it tends to become more problematic when I am under stress, such as when going to job interviews. For a number of reasons which I will write about probably this afternoon, I’m under a bit of stress. Not a lot of stress, but a bitsy. So I had a bit of a cold last week that seemed to peak Friday and clear up almost totally yesterday. I’m generally fine now but I have a sort of dry, scratchy throat from the cold and probably from being nervous about the job. So what do I assume is the cause of my dry, scratchy throat? That’s right, throat cancer! Never mind that I’ve never smoked (but my mom does) and that I almost never drink hard liquor, the two biggest risk factors aside from family history that contribute to throat cancer. Never mind that I’m an otherwise physically healthy (if a little overweight) 24 year old male. I naturally assume that my dry, scratchy throat is caused by a terminal illness. Of course, it only takes me a few minutes to convince myself rationally that, in all likelihood, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me, and I continue about my day. But it’s freaking annoying that I fly off the handle every time a minor thing catches my attention. And with my OCD and anxiety disorder, this used to throw me into a terrible loop of constant self-examination and self-diagnosis. My shrinky has been awesome at reducing the frequency and severity of my hypochondrical detours, but, as I said, they tend to occur mostly right before job interviews. I have one today at 1 PM. And my throat is still dry and scratchy… I’m sure it’ll feel 100% better the second I walk out the door from the job interview. It always does.
While I’m bored waiting for a bunch of Mexicans (no, real Mexicans in Mexico!) to build my new machine, I’ve been taking personality tests for fun. I know it sounds boring but I can’t be the only one who does it. Here‘s a fairly decent MBTI test. It’s one of my favorites since I find that the results are often dead on. Read the rest of this entry »