Alcoholism FTL

So, I’m apparently an alcoholic.  At least according to an amalgam of sources including the Mayo Clinic.

I drink alcohol.

It seems obvious but in some cases, people can be alcoholics without ever taking a drink.  Simply desiring to drink can be enough.

I drink alone.

When I eat certain foods (usually German foods), I prefer to drink beer instead of milk/soda/etc.  Since there’s usually nobody but my teetotalling mother at the house with me, that qualifies as drinking alone.

I find certain activities more enjoyable if I’ve been drinking.

I have to say that things like listening to jazz music or polka dancing are far more entertaining after a drink.

I sometimes think about drinking even when I’m not drinking.

Like now.  I’m not drinking but writing this article is making me think about drinking.

I go out of my way to obtain alcohol.

Stopping at Discount Liquor on the way home from work takes me at least 3 miles out of my way.

I feel guilty about drinking.

My mother hates that I drink.  So every time I do, it makes me feel bad because I’m disappointing her.

I lie about drinking.

I’ve lied about how much I’ve had to drink before.  Mainly when I’ve wanted rum and pineapple juice and I knew that my mother didn’t like me drinking.

I have a higher tolerance now than I did when I started drinking.

When I started drinking when I was 22, one beer was enough to get me buzzed.  Now I need to drink at least two before I feel warm and toasty.

Now, the interesting thing is that according to The Alcoholism Treatment Center, if you can assent to even ONE of the above, you should seek treatment for alcoholism.  Note that this list, in theory, includes anyone who’s ever taken a drink.  So myself and almost everyone I know are alcoholics.


  1. #1 by Phillip on August 14, 2011 - 7:25 PM

    Well, I’ve at least 3 of these. I’ll further add that today was the first time in damned near forever I was in a bar at 3, and kind of shitfaced.

  2. #2 by Christa on August 15, 2011 - 11:54 AM

    lol, I’m a drunk! (This comment will be used against me one day when I try and get a job)

  3. #3 by Joshua on August 15, 2011 - 4:26 PM

    My doc got a good laugh out of this too. He said that if the AMA used this checklist, there’d be epidemic levels of alcoholism. Thankfully, they specify things that are quantifiable and measurable and I’m nowhere near them.

  4. #4 by VisualHierarchy on August 16, 2011 - 2:14 PM

    This questionnaire is great and so accurate! I’m an alchie too then, I find alcohol enjoyable especially when paired nicely with a delicious meal.

    • #5 by Christa on August 21, 2011 - 1:52 AM

      So true.

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