Mike and Caity (mildly NSFW and based on a true story)

Have you ever been in a situation where the best answer is still a wrong one?

As Mike was walking to lunch, he met a very beautiful young blonde squirrel.  She was busty, with round hips and a large, shapely rear.  She wasn’t all that tall, either, making her curves that much more noticeable.  She was wearing a tight blue blazer with a short blue skirt, common business apparel for ladies in that office.  Mike had never seen her before but was far too shy to just strike up a conversation with a stranger, even if she did work in the same building as him.

Mike was more or less forced to follow her to lunch.  On the way, she stopped in an office on the first floor and although Mike continued walking, he was still within earshot when she said, “…shaking my booty at him like this!”  Naturally, Mike spun around to watch her perfectly round posterior bobbing hypnotically as the young lady giggled at her acquaintance.  Even though Mike thought he’d been watching her stealthily, she’d known he was paying attention and she met his gaze.

Mike panicked, expecting her to walk over and give him a lecture about proper behavior in the workplace.  Instead, she smiled broadly and winked.  Mike wasn’t certain but he thought she might have been flirting with him.  She continued on her walk, acting as if she didn’t care that Mike had watched her little wiggle.  But he did care.  The ferret found his paws involuntarily following the nimble young squirrel.  Catching up to her, he stated, “Please don’t think I’m flirting with you but would the exchange that we just had (my watching and your winking) be considered flirtatious behavior under other circumstances?”

She paused, then said “Thank you for prefacing, it’s always appreciated when random questions like that are posed.  As for your question, flirting is anything that acknowledges the attractiveness and availability of someone you’re interested in.”

“Ah, thanks.”  answered Mike, not totally satisfied with the response.  “You see, I’m a bit socially awkward and I take any opportunity I can to learn things.”

“Clever,” stated the girl.

“Err, what is?” asked Mike.

“Flirting by asking about flirting,” remarked the squirrel.

“Err, but I wasn’t…” Mike stammered.

“Yes?  You weren’t flirting?  You were just being a pervert by watching me shake my butt back there?” the girl slyly queried.

“There’s no good answer to that,” thought Mike.  “What do I say?”

“Umm… I’m not really good at recognizing flirtatious behavior when I see it,” explained the nervous ferret.

“Well, you did a good job this time.  And whether you know it or not, you’re totally flirting with me now,” the girl remarked.

“Umm… yeah.  I guess I am,” the ferret observed.  “I don’t usually flirt with people at the office.”

“Oh?  Where do you usually flirt with people?” queried the squirrel.

“Err… I don’t usually flirt at all,” Mike answered.

“You’re good at it.”  She leaned over and kissed him gently on the lips, then drew back, folded her paws, and smiled broadly, blushing.

Mike was dumbfounded.  “What just happened?” thought the confused ferret.  But before he could fully ponder the events leading up to this moment, he found his forepaw taking hers and his hindpaws leading them both into one of the “quiet rooms” used for night shift on-call duties.

They sat down on the floor of the tiny office with the squirrelgirl in the corner and Mike leaning on her.
“Your tail is so fuzzley!  Oh, I hope you don’t mind that I make up words.  I’m not very bright, like the rest of the folks here,” the girl explained.

“I like that word.  And besides, making up words is a good thing sometimes,” Mike remarked.

Yeah, I figure that if it was good enough for Shakespeare, it ought to be good enough for me,” observed the squirrel.

“Plenty of prescriptive linguists would see Shakespeare relegated to the dustbin,” snarked the ferret.

“Good.  He belongs there.  He was a pervert,” the girl countered.

“What’s your name?” queried Mike.

“Caity,” answered the young squirrel.

“I’m Mike.”

“You’re a ferret,” observed Caity, gently stroking the ferret’s fur.

Mike murred in ecstasy at the petting.

“Does Mr. Ferret like his head scritched?” cooed the girl.

While she gently scratched the top of Mike’s head, he remarked, “You know, I think I like you.  You’re a lot smarter than you think.”

Caity giggled and blushed.  “Thanks, but I’m really not as perfect as you think I am.” She sighed, still smiling.  “I really enjoy this. I’ve been feeling so down lately.  But then, when a duck is feeling down, he might just be happy.”

Mike turned to her and grinned at the pun.  Her gaze met his.  He leaned in close and just as he was about to kiss her, she exclaimed, “OH! I have a brush in my bag!”  She turned and dug out a hairbrush.  “Does Mr. Ferret like to be brushed?”

Mike was a bit embarrassed – after all, brushing one’s fur is normally done alone.  But he knew he would absolutely love it.  He gave into temptation and draped himself over her lap as she crossed her legs.

Mike drifted off to perfect bliss as she hummed softly and brushed his soft back fur.

“You know you are perfect,” remarked the ferret.  “Even the knots feel so good when they sting ever so slightly.”

Caity giggled.  “Your tail is so knotty – it just won’t stay put!”

Mike sat upright in her lap, wrapped his long arms around her and kissed her deeply and passionately.  She gently pushed him away and said, “I’m not as perfect as you think I am.”  She continued the kiss but less deeply than before.
Caity finished brushing the ferret’s tail as he was almost shivering in absolute pleasure.  She began to undo Mike’s trousers.  He wanted to protest but couldn’t seem to get that far.  To his surprise, she didn’t lower them, but instead used the extra room to brush the patch of fur above the tail that was usually hidden.  Mike gazed into her eyes longingly as they shared this tender moment.  As she finished up the brushing, she gently reached around the front of the ferret’s pants and smoothly slid her soft, delicate paw into his briefs. Mike gently but firmly grabbed her wrist and shook his head.

“We can’t.  Not here.  We’re at work!” he protested.  She withdrew her paw slyly and blushed.

“I was only playing with your tail.  It’s so fuzzley!” she lied.

Mike sat up and wrapped his arms around her once again, this time enveloping the squirrel in a warm embrace, and settled into a contented snuggle.

“What do you do here?” she asked.  “Must be something impressive.  You’re all so smart here.”

“I keep the network running,” he explained.

“That must take genius,” Caity opined.

“Nah.  But I’ve been doing it for 10 years so it doesn’t seem that hard to me,” remarked the ferret.

“10 years?  How old are you?” the girl queried.

“24,” answered Mike.

“Figures. You were a prodigy,” Caity said, smiling.

“What do you do?” inquired the young ferret.

“Oh me?  I don’t work here.  I’m just a housewife.  I’m here for my husband’s birthday party,” answered the girl, showing her visitor pass.

Mike was thrown for a loop.  He knew he should be angry or scared or something.  But he wasn’t.  He just smiled at her and gave her a comforting squeeze.  He looked deep into her eyes and said, “I understand.”

She knew that he did, indeed, understand. She didn’t know how or why, but she felt perfectly at home in Mike’s arms.   He understood her. “You’re not mad?”

Mike smiled at her.  “Of course I’m not mad. People feel things. People need to explore those feelings, for good or bad. And what we’re doing isn’t wrong. There’s no need to feel guilty about feeling something for someone. People are complicated creatures and putting us all in a narrowly-defined set of channels and modes robs us of the feelings that would stick out in odd directions.”

Caity laughed at Mike’s explanation.  She gave him a big squeeze and thanked him.  The two snuggled warmly in the cramped office for another 20 minutes.

“I need to get back to work,” lamented Mike.

“And I need to get back to my husband,” Caity whined disappointed.

“Yes.  You do,” insisted Mike.  “But never forget this. Never forget that feelings should not make you guilty.”

“You’re going to make someone very happy someday.  A young girl, whose mistakes are ahead of her, rather than me, whose mistakes are behind.  And she’ll be better for you than I could ever be,” said Caity, almost in tears.

“Not even close,” said Mike, smiling.

He kissed her gently on the forehead one last time as he stood up.  He walked out the door, closing it behind him, and headed back to his desk.

“OH SHIT!” he panicked. “The security feed!”  But strangely, he wasn’t all that bothered.

“Well, if they fire me for making out in the quiet room, then so be it.”  Mike spent the rest of the afternoon reflecting on how different he would have felt had he known Caity was married before they shared their moment. Perhaps he should take a harder look at the way he thinks of people.  “After all,” he thought, “we’re all just people. How can we judge the hearts of others when we can’t even know ourselves?”  He smiled, remembering the incredibly lame pun about the duck.  Now whenever he saw a duck, he would remember Caity and know that he wouldn’t be lonely forever.

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  1. #1 by Joshua on March 2, 2011 - 8:25 PM

    Hahah – I asked a fellow fur for his opinion on this piece in a yiffy channel on Anthrochat. Then I popped back into the conversation after an absence and asked, “well, how was it?” His answer: “a little salty, if anything.”

    It took me a minute to realize that he wasn’t answering the question I asked and I probably didn’t want to know the question he was answering…

    So in short, still no feedback on this, but Chad is working on it.

  2. #2 by Chadwick on March 3, 2011 - 9:01 AM

    Didn’t get through as much as I intended, but there are a couple of items for you to work at just off the top of my head.

    Let’s start at the beginning. From your first paragraph:

    As Mike was walking to lunch, he met a very beautiful young blonde squirrel. She was busty, with round hips and a large, shapely rear. She wasn’t all that tall, either, making her curves that much more noticeable. She was wearing a tight blue blazer with a short blue skirt, common business apparel for ladies in that office.

    Taken individually, there’s nothing wrong with any of those sentences. Taken as a whole, it’s like reading a bulleted list, rather than the opening of a story, which in this case should probably be making us understand why Mike finds her so beautiful. In other words, “show, don’t tell.” Just as an example (which, while you should work at your own, you’re free to take), the last half of what I quoted could be reworked into something like: “Being shorter, her curves were emphasized, filling out the blue skirt and blazer—so ubiquitous as to be nearly a uniform in this office—in a way that Mike couldn’t help but stare at.”

    Also, I take it back. Taken individually, that first sentence is terrible. Particularly as a first sentence. Find a new one that makes me want to read past that point.

    Things I don’t want to see:

    ” Mike remarked.

    ” observed the squirrel.

    ” snarked the ferret.

    ” the girl countered.

    ” queried Mike.

    ” answered the young squirrel.

    Three word attributions behind every quote, especially when there’s only two people in the conversation, wears very quickly. Believe in your readers to be a bit smarter, and just let the characters talk, without breaking it up for announcements of who was talking. Formatted correctly, it should be obvious. Though checking in from time to time is important.

    For example, “snarked the ferret” is something that could pause a moment to give us an insight into Mike. Why does he snark here? Latent show of intellectual superiority? Had he been thinking of Shakespeare lately? Does he love linguistics? This is just one line, and you might do something like this to any of the dialogue lines. Alternately, when the squirrel counters, is there anything that could add flavor there? Did she counter with a mischievous grin? That kind of thing. Basically, as a rule of thumb, I’d say not to use any method (exposition, color, “said/asked/commented/etc. the __________”) more than twice in a row—and it’s still acceptable to not include anything on some/many of the lines, once you establish speaking order.

    One other thing I’d suggest is that you identify internal dialogue differently than spoken, such as by placing it in italics. When I find it with the same quotes as spoken dialogue, it requires much closer reading to ensure that the character’s not conversing with someone, and that it is in fact internal, whereas setting it apart as different makes it obvious at a glance.

    Last item, and this is more specific than general:

    “OH SHIT!” he panicked. “The security feed!” But strangely, he wasn’t all that bothered.

    In the first half of the line, he’s full out panicking. In the second half, he’s not bothered. A touch of transition might serve this well. “Once the initial panic passed, though, he realized he wasn’t all that bothered,” sort of thing.

    I’ll try giving it a proper readthrough soon.

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