Espresso Vodka will be my undoing

On a google search, I found that between Church and home is a bar called 88 Keys.  It’s a “Piano Martini bar.”  So I wander in and there’s nobody but staff there.  I explain to the bartender (who’s much younger than me) my whole situation.  He says he’ll help me out by explaining stuff.  But I’ve never had a martini before and I can’t stand vodka.  And it just took me 6 tries to type “vodka.”  At any rate, I ordered a glass of Relaxx, a very cheap riesling.  And I talked with people.

There was an exact 50/50 gender mix, including me.  The unpaired spare female had a shaved head so I figured she wasn’t interested in men.  I drank with the band, who didn’t look all that impressive.

About 8:00, the fun started.  A bachelorette party came in and took the reserved seating.  The bartender explained that I shouldn’t hit on the bachelorette party because they’re not going to hang around long – they’re just going to get drunk here, then go somewhere raunchier.  I thanked him for the info.

The band (fronted by a very old lady – like mid 70s) got up there.  I was like WTF?  Is she a gospel singer?  She picked up a $2600 Ned Steinburger original bass guitar and proceeded to pound out the best Chicago style jazz I ever heard.  The old broad had some massive chops!  They played 5 songs I knew and one I didn’t but still rocked to.

The bartender asked what kinda stuff I liked and I said, “coffee & beer.”  He said he had just the thing and made me a “Tempo” on the house.  It’s Van Gogh Double Espresso vodka, Skyy vanilla vodka, Kahlua, Creme de Menthe, and Creme de Cacao.  It was FREAKING AWESOME.  But I was getting hungry after I finished that so I ordered a 3-year aged sharp cheddar platter.  It came with fresh green apple slices, ginger/sesame crackers, and a fresh baguette.  And a glass of riesling.  It was EXCELLENT.  I was grooving so hard to the music, I turned to the lounging off-duty employee and said “You know, I could seriously fuck someone’s brains out to this music.”  She laughed her ass off and said “If I weren’t married and pregnant, I might take you up on that.”  I said, “You’re just saying that because I’m completely plastered.”  She said, “Yeah.  But it’s still funny.”

If it weren’t so insanely expensive (no lie – one drink called the “Diamond in the Rough” costs $250 and comes with a diamond bracelet.  Another, the “007” has never been ordered.  It’s $18,500 and comes with the 1988 BMW M3 that was used in the James Bond: Goldeneye movie.)  I would live there.  The music is awesome, the drinks are awesome, and if there’s anywhere I had a decent chance of meeting someone, I would think it’d be there.

I’ll probably feel like utter hell tomorrow.  I’m writing this now in the hopes of convincing myself that it’s worth it.  The happy tends to be lost with the headaches and vomiting that follows a night of much intoxication.  (Yes, Christa, I did drink 5 glasses of water.  I’ll see if it helps any.)


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  1. #1 by Joshua on February 20, 2011 - 11:31 AM

    Update: I didn’t feel too horrible this morning. Just the spins which I always get for some reason, even if I don’t drink much at all. And a tiny bit of dehydration.

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