On the saving of $45

I registered for Anthrocon.  It cost me $45.  I’ve cancelled my registration.

I realized after talking with my shrink (who isn’t unfamiliar with furries), that although I share the interest in cartoon animals, I’m not likely to feel comfortable among a throng of furries.  The interesting part is that the denizens of #xkcdfurs agreed with my shrink’s assessement.  Here’s the deal:

  • I’m a heterosexual male (most male furs are at least bi – I was afraid that I might be a latent homosexual but the shrink laughed and brought out the charts again – I’m most clearly a heterosexual (if kinaesthetic) male).
  • I’m easily put off by oddly-applied gender titles (Example:  Introducing a male as someone’s “wife.”)
  • I’m not entirely comfortable being in close proximity (furpile) to people of indeterminate gender (if you can’t make up your mind what gender you are, then how do you expect others to take you seriously?).
  • I’m not cool with the idea of open relationships.
  • I don’t follow the idea of pansexuality.
  • I, unlike many furs, have no trouble separating myself from my character, even during RP.

To be honest, I think I’d lose my patience the first time someone insisted that they were, in fact, a platypus trapped in a human body.  I may have an anthro fetish (which I do), and I may have a fascination with comic characters and cartoons (which I do), but I don’t have difficulty separating fantasy from reality.

So although I’m still functionally a furry (I do meet the definition of one), I find I actually don’t identify with the community very much.  So for now, I’m going to forgo the cons.  🙂

All that said, if I were gay, Jyrras would probably be hot. 😛  As it is, he’s just cute in the same way a kitten is cute.  Not in the same way Minerva Mink in blue jeans is cute.  Minerva in blue jeans gives me the shivers and produces a noticeable response (heh).  Jyrras just looks kinda snuggly.  The shrink said that this was because I’m kinaesthetic and my main answer to other people’s problems is to hug them until the pain goes away.  And I’m furry so I squee over anything with fuzz and big eyes. 😛

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  1. #1 by Joshua on February 13, 2011 - 5:43 PM

    To elaborate a bitsy:

    My confusion stemmed primarily from the fact that some fully-clothed male anthros are somewhat attractive to me. But the shrink went through the usual sexuality battery and found that (a) human males are not attractive to me and (b) the male anthros that are attractive to me are those that have feminine or androgynous attributes. So this discounts the homosexuality theory.

    Not only that, but it turns out that most straight male furs are at least slightly attracted to some male anthros on the basis that they’re furry and likely soft and warm. Once you put them into a prospectively sexual situation, the attraction is usually gone. Which is very true in my case.

    And the other confusing part is that I found I rather liked snuggling with a snow leopard fursuiter who turned out to be male. That surprised me. The shrink said, “Okay – you know what he looks like without the suit, right?” I said, “Yeah.” and he said, “would you still want to do anything physical with him?” I said, “No.” The shrink said “There’s your answer.” He said that as far as being attracted to the character, he asked me to envision a sexual situation with the snow leopard character. I did. He asked if I would enjoy it. I said that I didn’t think so. He said that all this goes back to being emotionally irregular. My primary way of emotionally bonding with others is through physical affection. This is made all the easier with anthros since they’re soft and snuggly. As an example, it’s not weird for a heterosexual male to snuggle with his male dog. I’d never thought of it that way before.

    So out of all that I got that I don’t really “fit in” with the furry community until/unless I can find an enclave of similar heterosexual male furs to associate with.

  2. #2 by Chadwick on February 13, 2011 - 6:16 PM

    Yeah, I did wonder a bit about how quickly you seemed comfortable with all of this; but then, you did seem comfortable with all of it. You’ve always been fairly conservative about these things, particularly when it comes to wanting people to fit into neatly defined boxes, whether they really do or not.

    It probably would be good if you could find a pack (no pun intended) of like-minded people to congregate with, so you’d have a safe place to fall back to at an event should the clash of standards with reality overwhelm you.

    • #3 by Joshua on February 13, 2011 - 6:43 PM

      Bingo. That was my feeling exactly.

    • #4 by Joshua on February 13, 2011 - 6:44 PM

      I was comfortable with the on-paper aspects. When I actually got into the community and started MEETING people, they mostly creeped the living hell out of me. Esp. when I got an email from one in Florida offering to come up here and sleep with me as long as she could bring her mate. O.o – Yeah – not my kind of crowd.

  3. #5 by Joshua on February 13, 2011 - 6:45 PM

    The odd part is that even though I’m an atypical furry, I still am one. The subject matter still appeals to me. It’s just the fandom that’s off-putting.

    • #6 by Chadwick on February 13, 2011 - 6:46 PM

      Well, I’m sure you’re not the only one. Though, I’m not entirely sure how you go about finding specifically people who don’t creep you out without sounding like a dick.

      • #7 by Joshua on February 13, 2011 - 8:42 PM

        It’s pretty difficult. I can’t pop onto #xkcd anymore without it being a shitstorm of pronoun arguments. People wake up and flip a coin to determine gender it seems. They really are a confused lot. And pointing out that it’s hard to be sensitive to someone who doesn’t know what gender they are makes it worse because then you’re being sexist or whatever.

        Me: I have a penis. Therefore, I’m male. I am sexually attracted to women and not sexually attracted to men. Therefore I am heterosexual. Wasn’t that easy? I mean I know some people genuinely struggle with gender identity. But come on – an entire webcomic community?

  4. #8 by Joshua on February 15, 2011 - 2:55 PM

    I got my refund confirmation for Anthrocon today.

  5. #9 by PeterCat on February 16, 2011 - 12:19 PM

    Even though I help to run Anthrocon, I feel much the same as you right down the line (although it’s Abel who would probably be hot, and Sabrina elicits an involuntary response). Yes, furry fandom tends to accrete weirdos, but there are also a lot of people who are just like us. Paradoxically, it may be easier to find them at a con than at a local meetup, which may have formed around a core group of people who don’t share your views.

    • #10 by Joshua on February 16, 2011 - 12:28 PM

      Sabrina’s not bad. Amy’s hotter. But not as fantasy worthy anymore now that she’s married with a kid 😛

    • #11 by Joshua on February 16, 2011 - 12:45 PM

      And I may yet go to a con. I’m planning on attending Midwest FurFest. But Anthrocon requires a train trip and hotel stay and I can’t just leave if I get uncomfortable. It’d be different if I had a friend to go with. Strangely I’d prefer a non-furry friend sort of as a normalcy-gauge so I knew if it was just me being too conservative. 😛

      • #12 by PeterCat on February 16, 2011 - 10:01 PM

        Quite understandable. There’s a smallish newer con in Madison WI called Nakamacon over Memorial Day weekend, which is a combination Anime/Steampunk/Furry convention, so it may be easier to find a friend willing to come along for one of the other interests if not furry. http://www.nakamacon.com

        • #13 by Joshua on February 17, 2011 - 5:06 AM

          That sounds perfect! Thanks a lot for the help.

    • #14 by Joshua on February 16, 2011 - 4:48 PM

      Oh – and I asked a friend online about this post. The answer: “Yeah I can tell you’re not gay: Abel is so much hotter than Jyrras.” 😛

      Granted that wasn’t what I was ASKING (I was asking about the feelings of not-quite-fitting-in with the fandom)…

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