The Quest for Girlyness: Part 1

This may not be a secret to most of you but, I am, in fact, a female. This means that I have two X chromosomes and all of the curses and blessings that come along with them. I know this is hard to believe, but it’s all true. Sometimes, even I forget these little facts. They seem so trivial and boring, or I should say they did seem that way. Thanks to some recent happenings, my femininity or my actual lack of it, has come to the forefront of my mind. I don’t really like doing things on my own, so I’m going to drag you all along on quest to be…..a girl.

Today’s adventure, The Hair Dryer!

Okay, that’s all a little misleading. I know I’m a girl, and I really do a lot of girly things. I also happen to be a geek (or a nerd but I’ve made my view on this discussion clear). I played with My Little Ponies when I was little, and I owned more Barbies than I think I really should have, but I also had a thing for fantasy. It started pretty soft with unicorns and princesses, but quickly grew to include dragons and magic. I had a strong desire to learn how to play D&D and MTG. The few friends I had were never popular and liked things like politics and comic books. The kids in my class were always willing to point out that I was not the prettiest girl, and I was sure that I would never amount to much in the popular kids world. I was seemingly also a very logical child. I would blame my love of Star Trek, but I was more of a Next Gen fan, meaning Data over Spock any day. When I was very young I use to think the Original cast were the bad guys because TNG were clearly the most awesome crew ever, but that’s never here or there. The point of the ramble is, I knew what I liked, that it wasn’t popular, and that there would be far less competition for attention from boys if I were to throw myself into the geeky world. So I did.

There are lots of pictures of hot gamer girls on the internet, but they are so few, there are plenty of prime geeky boys sitting around. This meant, I never had to learn how to be a girl. Make up was always optional. Do my hair all fancy, why? It’s not like the boys care what my hair looks like anyway. This strategy worked great up until I realized that I’m not trying to impress boys anymore, I’m trying to live in the real world where clean hair and knowing why this is funny don’t really get you very far.

That's not a real game anyway.

Christmas day, I was half way through drying my hair when I noticed the dryer sparking blue on the inside. It was a Mary Kate and Ashley hair dryer that I bought my freshman year in college due to it’s cheap price, so the fact that it survived 7 years was more surprising than the sparks. That being said, I was left on my own to find a new dryer. Today, my dreams of a hair dryer with a diffuser were finally recognized. I pulled the shiny red dryer out, slapped on the large diffuser disk and realized that I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

So is this like a point and click thing?

Not knowing what else to do, I just pushed the thing against the side of my head and moved it around. In the process I totally stabbed my right temple and gave myself a head ache. The thing is also really loud. I found my hair tangled around the nubby things which are made out of solid, hard plastic. It did, however, dry my hair. As far as extra volume, I have no idea. I think it might have worked. You know, just a little or something. I think this is going to take some work.

  1. #1 by Joshua on January 12, 2011 - 4:51 PM

    LOL. Ow. I’m sorry. I’d offer advice / witty observations but I’ve got nothing to offer in this area. I’m a guy so I know nothing of feminine hair rituals. I just wash, towel dry, comb. Once in a while I go and get it cut when it gets in my eyes. That’s about it.

  2. #2 by Phillip on January 12, 2011 - 11:40 PM

    I’m more or less with Josh here. Though my haircuts are generally about a month apart.

    What the hell is the point of a diffuser?

    And I just realized that I have numbers for 4 different hair cutty ladies in my phone..3 of which are friends and only one cuts my if I ever have hair questions, I just ask them. Which, sadly enough, I’ve had a ton of questions.

    Did you know that to get your cosmetology license you have to be able to identify fungi, the causes, and the cures/solutions? I had absolutely no idea until one of them was complaining to me about that.

    • #3 by Joshua on January 13, 2011 - 12:48 PM

      I go to whatever hair cutty place I happen to be near when I realize that my hair is long enough to be annoying.

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