I’ve been acting like an ass the last few weeks. I’m really sorry. You guys are awesome and I’m glad to have friends like you.
This entry was posted on December 31, 2010, 8:46 AM and is filed under Life Issues, Personal, The Table. You can follow any responses to this entry through RSS 2.0.
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#1 by Chadwick on December 31, 2010 - 9:52 AM
It’s cool. When it feels like life’s own deadlines are coming down, the pressure can be rough.
#2 by Joshua on December 31, 2010 - 10:01 AM
It’s a bit of an odd situation. What I need most is someone to hold me and tell me that everything’s going to be okay. But whoever does that gets the displeasure of me becoming super-clingy on them out of sheer gratitude. And I don’t wish that on anybody.
So I’ve been trying to “get social” in other directions, with people I don’t know. I’m constantly wrestling with the idea that you guys really are my best friends but you’re not the best thing for my mental health. I need friends. Good friends like you guys. But right now, I’m so broken that I can’t be a good friend to anyone. So when things go wrong for you guys and I try to help (because I care about you people), I just get crazier. Me asking if you and Christa wanted company was as much for my benefit (because hearing about a friend in trouble really hurts) as it was genuine concern for her.
So yeah, that’s the long and short of it. I’m really sorry if I say hurtful things. I don’t mean them. I’m just very confused and lonely.
#3 by Joshua on December 31, 2010 - 10:05 AM
And yeah – it sucks to be 100% right-left brain balance. I’m as creative as I am analytical. That messes with things a bit. Not the least of which being gender balance – I’m 60-40 (60% male, 40% female) in terms of personality (90-10 in terms of sexuality). Girls don’t want sensitive, girly guys, so that 40% female personality really sucks ass. Especially since up until a few weeks ago, I didn’t have the empathy or emotional intelligence to actually deal with that effectively so I’ve been ignoring it for years. I really don’t know why I picked now for all of this to reach boiling point.
#4 by Joshua on December 31, 2010 - 10:32 AM
And throw Asperger’s and General Anxiety Disorder in the mix… Thankfully I averted the diagnosis of Attachment Disorder because I AM capable of forming healthy relationships (even if I’m prone to clinginess).
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