Halloween Fortune

It’s Halloween (and Reformation Day to Protestants in North America). Here’s the fortune I got when I logged into dustpuppy just now:

If Microsoft Owned McDonald’s
Source: Unknown

1. Every order would come with fries whether you asked for them or not.
2. When they introduce McPizza, the marketing makes it seem that they invented
pizza.
3. “A McDonald’s on every block” — Bill Gates.
4. You’d be constantly pressured to upgrade to a more expensive burger.
5. Sometimes you’ll find that the burger box is empty. For some strange reason
you’ll accept this and purchase another one.
6. They’d claim the burgers are the same size as at other fast food chains,
but in reality it’s just a larger bun hiding the small beef patty.
7. Straws wouldn’t be available until after you finish your drink.
8. “Push” technology — they have McD employees come to your door and sell you
Happy Meals.
9. Your order would never be right but the cash register would work perfectly
for taking your money.
10. The “Special Sauce” cannot be reverse engineered, decompiled, or placed on
more than 1 Big Mac.


Halloween originated from a blending of a pagan festival originating in Europe to celebrate the fall season and honor the spirits (the line between the material and spirit world was thought to be especially thin on this night) and a Christian festival to honor the saints (not-so-coincidentally scheduled for the same night as the pagan festivities). Of course, nowadays the majority of people don’t celebrate the pagan festival (or the Christian one, for that matter), but instead just have fun and eat candy.

Reformation Day celebrates the occasion of Martin Luther becoming fed up with the Catholic Church’s bullshit and nailing his complaints to the door of The Castle Church at Wittenberg (Germany). Though he never intended to start a new sect of Christianity (rather, he wanted to reform the Catholic Church), that’s what ended up happening after tons of arguments, misunderstandings, hangings, and other exciting events that are collectively called the Protestant Reformation. Today, churches celebrate Reformation Day by using red for the liturgical color (red is the most festive color; green, which is neutral, is the normal color for the season) and asking people to increase their donations. I’m not totally sure what throwing out the Catholic Church’s corrupt practices has to do with asking for more money but who am I to point out such incongruousnesses?

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