PoM Cookie File for fortune

The BSD fortune program (and its clone, fortune-mod, on every other UNIX) uses hashed text files (called cookie files) to print short snippets of wisdom, usually on login but also any time you want one (by typing fortune at the command line).  I decided to make a Penguins of Madagascar cookie file.  Yes, I do have 100% of the dialog of every episode memorized.  If I hear something twice, I remember it forever – that’s why I’m so good at Masonic ritual.  Anyway, here’s the ASCII version.  If you download the ASCII version, you’ll have to hash it yourself before it’s usable (type strfile pom pom.dat).  Here’s the pre-hashed version (x86, 32-bit).  For a re-hashed version, just download the pre-hashed one twice.  (ba-dum-tschh!)

Here’s the full text for those who want to read it before they download:

Private: But Skipper, how do you steer an elephant?
Kowalski: Ah, the eternal riddle!  Does one truly steer the elephant or does
the elephant...Not what you were going for?
- An Elephant Never Forgets
%
Kowalski: We didn't have chocolate, exactly.
King Julien: So what did you have?
Kowalski: Mainly mud.
- Happy King Julien Day
%
Of all the disapointments, this is the dissipointiest.
- King Julien, Lemur See, Lemur Do
%
Respect the Science!
- Kowalski, Otter Things Have Happened
%
Marlene:  Alrighty, Fred.  Let's get to know ya!  What does Fred like?  What
does he dislike?
Fred: Oh, I like a lot of things.  Except the things I don't like.  Stupid
things I don't like!
- Otter Things Have Happened
%
Whee!  I'm expendable!  Yayyy!
- Mort, Cat's Cradle
%
I'm an egg.  Arf Arf!
- Mort, Paternal Egg-stinct
%
I'm a sheep!  Cock-a-doodle-doo!
- Mort, Can't Touch This
%
Grr... I am da rabies!  Ha-ha!
- Mort, Cat's Cradle
%
Hello, I'm a distraction!
- Mort, Otter Things Have Happened
%
Can we get an official ruling on this so I can better enjoy my gloating?
- King Julien, Go Fish
%
King Julien: Finders, Keepers.
Skipper: Kowalski, legal analysis.
Kowalski: He's gotcha there, Skipper.  It's the Finders-Keepers treaty of 1859.
- Popcorn Panic
%
King Julien: I do not intend to fail.  I vow to do the opposite of fail.
Marlene: You mean, "succeed."
King Julien: No, I will not "suck seed."  No one will be sucking seed!
- Popcorn Panic
%
Maurice: So, uh, you have a plan?
King Julien: Better.  I have confidence!
- Popcorn Panic
%
Kowalski: According to this symbol, which appears to be Aztec in origin, you
are here.
Skipper: Tell me something I don't know.
Kowalski: Without mucus, your stomach would digest itself.
Skipper: Tell me something else I don't know.  Something less disturbing maybe.
- Popcorn Panic
%
We shall be seeing who is ridiculous when popcorn begins exploding from my
bottom!
- King Julien, Popcorn Panic
%
My bottom is magic.  The salty snack gods have chosen to reward me.
- King Julien, Popcorn Panic
%
All this is not very interesting to me, because it is not about me.  See how
that works?
- King Julien, Tangled In The Web
%
Yes, okay.  But I don't change my mind.  I have people for that.
- King Julien, Tangled In The Web
%
Private:  He's eating Rico's Brain!
Kowalski: Pfft, Rico's!? Have you even seen this peice of juicy genius
tenderloin?  That's Grade A science brain, baby!
- I Was A Penguin Zombie
%
Based on what I know about zombies, the best place to hide is in a small room
with creepy lighting.   AARGH!! Everything I've
learned is a lie!
- Kowalski, I Was A Penguin Zombie
%
Private: Now, Mort, let's take a moment to gather ourselves.
King Julien: Yes, please.  Has anyone seen my spleen?
- Mort Unbound
%
Private: How do you touch someone who's untouchable?
King Julien: It is a riddle!  Like what do you eat first, the chicken or the
egg?  I say the egg first because they are breakfast food.
- Untouchable
%
Yes, yes.  We all love the chaos and the mayhem but we must have orderly chaos
and nice mayhem.
- King Julien, Jungle Law
%
He's become an unstoppable vortex of regurgitated mayhem!
- Skipper, Kaboom And Kabust
%
Acute imaginosis of the frighty bone.  Worst case I ever saw.
- Kowalski, Skorca!
%
Skipper: Suit up.   You, too, private.
Private: But I'm Private!
Skipper: Okay, he can be Private Number Two.
Mort: I like Number Two.
- Two Feet High And Rising
%
Private: We tried to make Mort foot phobic but we failed.
Kowalski: Ironically, if not for our failure, Julien would be "sleeping with
the hot dogs..."  Dead.
Skipper: Right.  That's not failure.  That's redefined objectives.
- Two Feet High And Rising
%
Marlene: Right.  I think I'll go ahead and risk it.  But thanks for your raving
paranoia.
Skipper: Any time, Marlene, any time.
- The Hidden
%
Private: But Skipper, isn't that a bit overly cautious?
Skipper: Even better:  It's full-blown paranoia!
- The Red Squirrel
%
Kowalski: We can visit any period in history.
Skipper: Outstanding! Finally, those hippies can be stopped!
Rico: Hippies!
- It's About Time
%
Aww, I really just want to slap a hippie.  Maybe make 'em get jobs and
haircuts.
- Skipper, It's About Time
%
Time travel.  All you want is to slap a hippie but all you get is multiple
Kowalskis.
- Skipper, It's About Time
%
Marlene: Skipper, if you're a girl, then "girl stuff" is whatever you like
doing.  If you're into the commando thing, being a girl doesn't change that.
Skipper: Of course not.  It just means that now I'm no good at it.  Now pass
me some chiffon, dollface.  I got a hankerin' to sew me some curtains!
- Miss Understanding
%
Cool cars go faster.  That's a scientific fact.
- Kowalski, Little Zoo Coupe
%
Skipper: Kowalski! Speak to me, man!
Kowalski: Just a knock on the old  monkey bus.
Skipper: Kowalski?
Kowalski: No need to paint, I'm as flopsy-faced as ever.
Skipper: I don't think you're fit for duty.
Kowalski: Flibbertygibbit, man!  I'm as juxtaposed as the next hamburger.
- Miracle On Ice
%
Too much sugar?  What does Skipper know about sugar?  I eat sugar and I'm the
best recon man ever! I see a fire engine! Weeooo, Weeooo!  Arr, I'm a pirate!
Ha ha!  Ooh, a caterpillar!  My name backwards is "etavirP!"  What's a "virp?"
Is it sugar? I love sugar!
- Private: Skorca!
%
Joey: Come down, ya bludgers, before I jackawobbly!
King Julien: Icch, have you never heard such a mangling of the language which
we are speaking?
- Assault And Batteries
%
King Julien: I really must compliment my brain on coming up with this brilliant
plan.  Brain, good job.
King Julien (as his brain): Thanks.  I thought it nice to have an idea for once
that you did not pull out of your booty.
King Julien: Hey, do not speak ill of the booty!
King Julien (as his brain): Awww, booty, booty, booty!  Shut up about the
booty!
King Julien: You shut up about the shutting up!
King Julien (as his brain): Well I am not talking to you!
King Julien: Fine! I will not talk to you either, stupid brain!
- Mort Unbound
%
Darla: Now I'm gonna say this slow 'cause I can tell y'all got a bad case of
the stupids.
King Julien:  Maurice!  How did she see the royal medical
report?
- Out Of The Groove
%
Darla: Now you are gonna apologize or me and my gals are gonna make us a set of
lemur coats!
Mort: Oooh!  Can I have one?
Maurice: 
Mort: I cancel my order.
- Out Of The Groove
%
 I think I might stuff 'em and put 'em up on my
mantle next to my jackalope.  Maybe put little antlers on them and call 'em
"lemurlopes."
- The Amarillo Kid, Mr. Tux
%
Oh, I know this camp time activity:  Only way to untange is to work as a team.
So everybody shut it, and I will be the team.
- King Julien, Concrete Jungle Survival
%
But what is this that my eyes are seeing?  It is the most beautious thing I've
ever seen, besides myself which goes without saying.  But I said it anyway. 
Why? I don't know!
- King Julien, Little Zoo Coupe
%
Success!  Stupid mission accomplished!
- Kowalski, Sting Operation
%
Darla (to King Julien): Are you the one that dropped that fuzzy bag of stank
into our habitat?
King Julien: That is a wild accusation!
Darla: So, y'all saying you didn't do it?
King Julien: Oh, no, I did it.  I just think the accusation is wild!
- Out Of The Groove
%
King Julien: Mort and Maurice, they left me.
Private: They left you?
King Julien: Yes, right after I kicked them out.
- All King, No Kingdom
%
Oh, Lemmy.  Of all the good times we had, the times we didn't have were the
best.
- King Julien, Lemur See, Lemur Do
%
Skipper: Well, Ringtail, we are indeed working on a "mocking you" scenario.
Kowalski: Operation Mock Julien.
Skipper: But it's still in the lab.  It's only at Mock-2 and I'd like to get it
to at least Mock-8 before implementation.
- Lemur See, Lemur Do
%
King Julien: Did you see the darkness?
Kowalski: Ah, the eclipse.
King Julien: No, the darkness!
- Eclipsed
%
Silly kingy, I almost forgot the traditional "sharing of the sweets."  And
wouldn't you know, Bob has candy guts!  Enjoy Bob's guts on me.
- King Julien, Happy King Julien Day
%
King Julien: A big paper horse?  How did you know that this is what I've always
wanted, Maurice?  I think I'll name him "Bob."
Maurice: Um, your majesty? That's actually a pi�ata.
King Julien: A pin-what-a?  Why are you making up words, Maurice?
- Happy King Julien Day
%
Skipper: Don't play dumb with me, Ringtail.
King Julien: Who says I am playing?
- Misfortune Cookie
%
King Julien: Your friend has been given a misfortune cookie!
Private:  A what?
King Julien: A misfortune cookie.  It is like a regular fortune cookie, except
it is filled with evil and hate and bile and sugar and evil!
Private:  That doesn't sound good.  Except for the sugar part.
King Julien: You need the sugar or the bile would overwhelm the flavor.
- Misfortune Cookie
%
King Julien: Now release the dogs!
Maurice: Don't you mean, "doves?"
King Julien: On second thought, doves would have been better.  Good to know,
good to know.
- Monkey Love
%
No, we put him in there with her, then nail the crate shut.  Then they will
fall in love.  Or die trying.
- King Julien, Monkey Love
%
Skipper: Then I just have one question.
Kowalski: Why does the Peruvian Booby smell like armpit?
Skipper: Uhh, no.
- Untouchable
%
Rico's never disobeyed a direct order before.  Not even the time I forced him
to suck the cobra venom out of my left buttock.
- Skipper, Roger Dodger
%
Private: I've lost all feeling in me left cheek.
Skipper: That's my cheek, Private.  And it's the right one.
- Tagged
%
Skipper: How ya feeling, Kowalski?
Kowalski: He he, I can taste sound.  But that's passed.
Skipper: Well, the best thing for it is to get back on our feet.
Barry: Hey, guys!
Skipper: Uhh, anyone else see a robotic penguin playing checkers with a
poisonous frog?
Rico: Uh-huh.
Skipper: More rack time, boys!
- Untouchable
%
No, it's okay - I'm like a puzzle picture champion. See?  This one makes a...
penguin.  But why is he shaking hands with a sasquatch and the King of Sweden?
- King Julien, Kaboom And Kabust
%
Thank you, thank you.  But I'd like to think we all learned a valuable lesson
today.  Boy, girl, all that really matters is how well you use a pink bullwhip
in a crisis situation.
- Skipper, Miss Understanding
%
Kowalski: But how could Alice have been so wrong about there being a girl
penguin?
Skipper: Ah, she's a mammal.  Everyone knows they're all morons.
- Miss Understanding
%
Hear my words and see my booty!
- King Julien, Out Of The Groove
%
Mort (inside Rico): Umm... Okay.  Which of the colors is blue?
Mort: Is this a blue wire?
Rico: 
Kowalski: No, I believe that's a kidney.
- All Choked Up
%
Skipper: Not to worry.  There's more than one way to make a penguin puke his
guts out.
Private: Really? How many...
Skipper: Seventeen.  Just don't ever ask to see number twelve.
- All Choked Up
%
Documentary Narrator: Here we see Antarctica.  Barren, desolate icy wasteland.
Home to the playful penguin.
Private: Hey!  That looks like Uncle Nigel.
Documentary Narrator: Helpless prey for the insatiable blood thirst of this leopard
seal.
Leopard Seal: 
Documentary Narrator: Bet you can't eat just one, Mr. Seal.
- All Choked Up
%
Who is burping up the stinking fog of lint, and spit, and unspeakable things
from a kitten and...  I don't even want to know what that
part wa...as.
- King Julien, All Choked Up
%
Maurice, quick!  Distract them by being eaten!
- King Julien, All Choked Up
%
I'm yummy with cornbread.
- Mort, The Falcon And The Snow Job
%
King Julien: If you still have room, you can eat the stumpy one for dessert, he
will not mind.
Maurice:  Say what?
- The Falcon And The Snow Job
%
Kowalski: Thoughts returning... accidentally picked up some of
Rico's...so...horrible.
Rico:  Meh.  Sorry.
- Sting Operation
%
The royal feet are MINE!  And I will have VENGENCE!  Hehe.  Okay, be right
back.
- Mort, Sting Operation
%
Private: Is it safe, Skipper?
Skipper: Kowalski?
Kowalski: Technically speaking, maybe.
- Launchtime
%
Skipper is unable to take your call right now, he's about to battle a mutated
rodent warlord.
- Kowalski, Crown Fools
%
I can feel my interweb popularity skyrocketing!
- King Julien, Tangled In The Web
%
So that's their game.  Blowing us up one by one with unregurgitatable gut
bombs.  Horrifying yet impressive.
- Skipper, All Choked Up
%
King Julien: Okay that almost sounded suspicious.  Do you know some things
about where my robot is?
Mort: Oh no, I know no things.
- Lemur See, Lemur Do
%
King Julien: Something smells fishy here.
Maurice: Yeah, I don't know about these guys.
King Julien: No, I mean they stink of actual fish, Maurice.  Open a window.
- Popcorn Panic
%
TV Commercial: Did you pay too much for auto insurance?
King Julien: It is very possible.  Tell me more.
TV: 
King Julien: Mort!  No slacking!  How am I to know if I have auto payed too
much?
- Penguiner Take All
%
What more can I, a devilishly handsome lemur king, do?
- King Julien, Assault And Batteries
%
I like heavy lifting!
- Mort, Launchtime
%
What kind of sick and twisted toy factory is this?
- Skipper, Operation Plush And Cover
%
You win this round, sauerkraut!
- Skipper, I Was A Penguin Zombie
%
Skipper: Hey lemur!  Are you ready to have your lunch handed to you?
King Julien: Ooh, yes.  That does sound nice.  I'll have a BLT, hold the T,
and... Oh! This is some of your trashy talk, yes?  Well I, too, can talk of the
smack!
- Little Zoo Coupe
%
Private: Good idea, Skipper.  But how long will it take to saw through the
ankle bracelets?
Skipper: The bracelets?  I was just going to saw off my foot.  But you may be
on to something there, Private.
- Tagged
%
Gentlemen, if this had been an actual tennis ball machine uprising, we would've
lost - game, set, and match.
- Skipper, Needle Point
%
Ah, the classic TNT bundle with the LED countdown timer.  Maximum explodability
combined with maximum get-away-ability.  Rico, you're a mad genius.
- Skipper, All Choked Up
%
Hornet: Oh, I have question for you.  Knock knock.
Skipper: Who's there?
Hornet: I sting your face!
- Sting Operation
%
Kowalski: You laid an egg?  That's highly illogical for a mammal unless... Are
you part platypus?
King Julien: You are a potapus!  But I am king of things!
- Paternal Egg-stinct
%
Look at them, with the vomiting of my JJ.  That is no way for a royal lemur egg
to be treated.
- King Julien, Paternal Egg-stinct
%
Why yes, JJ.  Of course you can kick Mort.  No, no.  He likes it.
- King Julien, daydreaming, Paternal Egg-stinct
%
Maurice: Your highness...  YOUR HIGHNESS!!!
King Julien: Gah!  Maurice!  You ruined my JJ themed daydream!  It had music
and everything!
- Paternal Egg-stinct
%
Skipper: Well, now.  This certainly adds an interesting new dimension to your
character, Private.
Private: Yeah...
Skipper: I don't like it.  I like my men one-dimensional.  It's easier that
way.
Rico: 
- Mr. Tux
%
I knew I shouldn't have installed those decorative ceiling spikes.
- Skipper, Popcorn Panic
%
Rico: Ka-Boom?
Kowalski: I'm going to say yes.
- Popcorn Panic
%
Skipper: Ah, "closing time."  Are there two sweeter words known to man or
beast?
Private: Puppy love.
Rico: Ka boom?
Kowalski:  Plutonium-fueled DNA-Mutating nature-abominating monster maker.
Others: 
Kowalski: The first word was hyphenated!
- What Goes Around
%
Skipper: Kowalski, what's a number less than nothing?
Kowalski: Uhh.. neg..finity!
- Skorca!
%
Zee Archer: You are a worthy adversary, monsieur.  But now I must bid you adieu.
Skipper: You can keep your "deu."  You're not going anywhere!
- Mask Of The Raccoon
%
Then science is wrong!  And you're wrong!  Everyone's wrong but me!
- Skipper, Miss Understanding
%
Skipper: Frightened?  Madam, I eat frightened for breakfast.
Kowalski: With skeleton marshmallows!
- The Falcon And The Snow Job
%
Kitka: I, too, have a taste for danger.
Skipper: Ooh, served extra crispy.
Kitka: With a side of mortal jeopardy!
- The Falcon And The Snow Job
%
But we're wearing mirrored disco-ball pants that reflect your laser beams back
at you!
- Kowalski, The Falcon And The Snow Job
%
Penguin boy wasn't looking for love
Falcon girl predator from above
He's into danger, oh the jobs that he's done
She'd like his neighbor served up hot on a bun!
But what's this feeling
That's got them both reeling
It's stranger than digesting a dove.
It'll be a week to remember
As long as no one's dismembered.
The greatest danger is love,
The greatest danger is love!
- Falling in love montage from The Falcon And The Snow Job
%
Kowalski: Ah, this is clearly psychosomatic.  You believe your dance skills
have been stolen, therefore you can't shake it.
Skipper: Right.  It's all in your little head, Ringtail.
King Julien: No, no.  The groove is not to be in my head, it is to be in my
booty but it is not there either!
- Out Of The Groove
%
Skipper: I don't get it.  What in the world made me shake my tail feathers like
that?
Private: Maybe Darla's magic was real.
Kowalski: Don't be silly, Private.  Cold, hard science negates even the
possibility of magic.
Private: Okay, then maybe Skipper has a dancer buried deep inside him.
Skipper: Magic's real, case closed.
Kowalski: But... science!
Skipper: Nope, I said "case closed."
- Out Of The Groove
%
It's horrible.  Too horrible for words.  Except these words.  The words I'm
saying right now.  These are fine.  But anything else, no go.
- Skipper, All Choked Up
%
These walls are NOTHING!  There has not been the prison built that can hold
King Julien!  Oh, wait, you're locking it!?  Never mind.
- King Julien, The Red Squirrel
%
Fred: You want me to pretend to be a squirrel?
Private: You are a squirrel.
Fred: Yeah but I've never been a pretend one before.
- The Red Squirrel
%
I've always wanted to ride in a box.  Did you know they have cardboard on the
inside, too?
- Fred, The Red Squirrel
%
Kowalski: You there!
Fred: Me?
Kowalski: Have you seen this lemur and otter?
Fred: Which one of them is the otter?
Kowalski: This one, obviously.  Note the whiskers.
Fred: No, I thought that one was a cat.
Kowalski: Did I say, "have you seen this lemur and cat?"
Fred: No, that's why I thought it was strange that you drew a cat.
Kowalski: It's not a cat.
Fred: Then why does it have whiskers?
Kowalski: You know what, forget the otter.
Fred: Cat.
Kowalski: WHATEVER.  Have you seen the lemur?
Fred: What's a lemur?
Kowalski: I think we're done here.
- Otter Gone Wild
%
Private: Easy, Mort.  We're not going to hurt you.
Skipper: Not true, Private.  I did authorize lethal force.
- Jungle Law
%
Remember, men:  We don't use violence unless absolutely necessary.  Or unless I
say so.
- Skipper, Fit To Print
%
Private: I don't mean to be cheeky, but why'd the doctor have to give the shot
in the bum?
Kowalski: Our fleshy buttocks make ideal distribution points for injected
medicines.  Unfortunately.
- Needle Point
%
Kowalski: We could replace Rico's brain with a wombat's.
Skipper: How would that help?
Kowalski: I don't know but I've got to do something with this. 
- Misfortune Cookie
%
Kowalski: I'm ashamed.
Private: Me, too.
Kowalski: Not so ashamed that I'd go out there or anything.
Private: Gosh, no!
Rico: Uh-uh.
- Snakehead
%
I just want to see a penguin throw up.
- King Julien, All Choked Up
%
Kowalski: The humans believe that lemur locomotion is ideal for traversing the
hummocky Martian landscape.
King Julien: Mmm... Hummocky.  Fascinating.
- Lemur See, Lemur Do
%
Skipper: Private, love options.
Kowalski: Hello!  I'm the options guy!
Skipper: But not when it comes to affairs of the heart.  That's where young
Private here shines.
Kowalski: True.  I do struggle to comprehend emotions.  And w-women. ...
Skipper: Yeah, duh.
- Monkey Love
%
Skipper: Well, that was... err... what's the word I'm looking for?
Rico: Pfft!
Skipper: Yeh! That's the one!
- Miracle On Ice
%
King Julien: I bet you can't even get the ball into the hoop thingy!
Kowalski: It's called a puck.
King Julien: Oh okay.   I bet you can't even get the ball into the
puck thingy!
Skipper: Cheerleader!  Off the ice!
King Julien: You dummy rats!  You shall never score a homely run!
- Miracle On Ice
%
King Julien: You are ruffling your feathery parts because I have this big,
beauteous ride while you have the little babyish car.
Skipper: Our car's not babyish!
Kowalski: It's strategically... adorable.
King Julien: Babe-y.
Skipper: Well it can run circles around that monstrosity.
King Julien: Care to put that money in your mouth?
Kowalski: Are you challenging us to a race?
King Julien: Am I?  Yes!  You know what I am doing before I am even doing it!
- Little Zoo Coupe
%
Rat King: You're going down, clown.  Down to rat town.
Private: Aren't we already there?
- Crown Fools
%
Kowalski: You, simian!  You cost us the race!  You can't go throwing your
banana peels around willy-nilly.
Mason: He's got you there, Phil. It's not like poo.  There are consequences.
- Little Zoo Coupe
%
Skipper: You've got to focus, Marlene. You just named four of the eight continents.
Maurice: There are only seven continents.
Skipper: I count Atlantis.  Trust me, lemur.  If you had my security clearance,
you would, too.
- The Hidden
%
I like diseases!
- Mort, Cat's Cradle
%
Buck Rockgut: Alright, pigeon, sing for me.
Mort:  I don't know where the Red Squirrel is.  But this one time, I
found a piece of red licorice!
- The Red Squirrel
%
Kowalski: You don't understand.  I haven't had a scientific breakthrough in
weeks!
Private: But what about your shrink ray?
Kowalski: Pfft. Small potatoes.  Useless!
Skipper: I don't know, we could whip us up a batch of teeny tiny french fries.
- Jiggles
%
Ah, visitors.  Welcome to my luxury spa slash retreat slash getaway palace. 
Where's my candy?
- King Julien, Kingdom Come
%
I was eating my lychee nuts one moment and *boingo!* I am here in the laps of
luxury.  Life is funny that way.
- King Julien, Kingdom Come
%
Private: But if you're cured then why are you still in the hospital?
King Julien: Because this vibrating bed is awesome.
- King Julien, Kingdom Come
%
Kowalski: Ahh... All power and water lines run directly beneath the lemur
habitat so now...
Private: Come quick!  Maurice has shut down power and water to entire zoo!  He
can control everything now!
Kowalski: My theory was just about jury-rigging a giant makeshift hot tub. 
This is MUCH worse!
- Kingdom Come
%
Buck Rockgut: But I know how to make you smart guys talk.  You ever had a six
pound halibut shoved up your left nostril?
Kowalski: Not the left one, no.
- The Red Squirrel
%
You can't just reschedule scheduled maintenance that's been scheduled.  Right
on the schedule!
- Skipper, Happy King Julien Day
%
It may have been the time I woke up in that Kyoto hotel room on a bed of
counterfeit Deutschmarks.
- Skipper, Mr. Tux
%
Chapter 4:  Weapons.  You'll need some.
- Concrete Jungle Survival Guide, Books On Tape Series
%
How many enemy agents are we talking?  'Cause if it's more than a baker's
dozen, we may need the jumbo brass knuckles.  And... knuckles.
- Skipper, Cat's Cradle
%
Kowalski: These readings are off the charts!
Skipper: Well, get bigger charts.  Take it out of petty cash.
- Haunted Habitat
%
I've got my freak on for recon.
- Skipper, All Choked Up
%
King Julien: What is all the commotion? I was having a dream where I'm the last
mammal on Earth.
Mort: Was I in it?
King Julien: Yes, but you were roadkill.
Mort: But I was in it!
- Haunted Habitat
%
King Julien: Nobody loves me...
Skipper: Now that's not...
King Julien: ...as much as I love me.
Skipper: Okay, yeah.  That's true.
- All King, No Kingdom
%
Kowalski: Perhaps we should open up back channel negotiations?
Marlene: Skipper, I do not think these are the kind of animals you can reason
with.
Skipper: Don't worry, Marlene.  Neither are we. 
Marlene: Huh.  Secret Panel.  Look at you.  Impressive.
- The Hidden
%
Skipper: Kowalski, Intelligence.
Kowalski: Substantially above average but I don't like to brag.
Kowalski: Oh, the map.  Right here.
- Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Why do the bad guys always get the good stuff?
- Kowalski, Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Aspirate Swiss Delight, Bottlenose!
- Kowalski, Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
He's our arch enemy.  Pure evil with skin that surprisingly pleasant to the 
touch.
- Private, Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
You'll find sarcasm is more effective if you don't giggle it out like a naughty
schoolgirl, Private.
- Skipper, Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
 You have to understand, he's just such a freak!
- King Julien, Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Skipper: You fiend!
Dr. Blowhole: Oh, you know it.
- Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Skipper: Ah, so you did get around to making that monster.
Dr. Blowhole:  Yes and I'm extremely pleased with how he turned out.
- Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Skipper: Kowalski, status report!
Kowalski: Mostly not good with hints of horrible.
- Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Dr. Blowhole: You have foiled my plan for revenge.  But for that, I will get
revenge.
Skipper: Wait, are we talking a new revenge here?
Dr. Blowhole: Revenge against the humans, revenge against you.  Yes, I've got a
whole bunch of revenges all piling up and it's not pretty.
- Dr. Blowhole's Revenge
%
Kowalski: That's impossible!
Skipper: Worse than that, it's unauthorized!
- Driven To The Brink
%
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  1. #1 by Joshua on August 9, 2010 - 8:00 PM

    When I logged on to dustpuppy to post this, my fortune was “If God hadn’t wanted you to be paranoid, He wouldn’t have given you such
    a vivid imagination.”

    • #2 by Phillip on August 13, 2010 - 12:27 AM

      That’s the thought behind most people. Some, though, take it to an extreme..like my dad and his friends. Apparently, beneath the island in the lagoon at Humboldt Park there lives an elite group of penguins, capable of flying “those black helicopters”, and they’re helping bankers take over the world.

      • #3 by Joshua on August 13, 2010 - 7:09 AM

        Err… He strikes me as one of those tin-foil hat wearers. Who aren’t always wrong. Sometimes it pays to be paranoid.

        • #4 by Phillip on August 13, 2010 - 1:35 PM

          They’re not always wrong. They could be right more often than not with some of the things and we’d never know. Some of the things are just a bit unbelievable though.

  2. #5 by Joshua on August 13, 2010 - 3:31 PM

    I’ve made some corrections. Here’s a patch for the older version.

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