Ich bin ein Kaffeeleiche

The title is a reference to the (in)famous Bierleichen (lit. Beer Corpses) of Oktoberfest – patrons who have drunk themselves into unconsciousness.  In my mind, a Kaffeeleiche isn’t one who’s drunk too much coffee but one who’s not drunk enough yet.  See, I’m accustomed to a regular cycle of wake up, eat breakfast, drink coffee, code, game, whatever, eat sugar + fat, drink more coffeee, game, code, eat lunch, etc.  Generally my coffee consumption ends at noon unless I’m going back to coding.  Sometimes I drink Bawls instead of coffee in the afternoons when I’m coding.

I found out that Coffee doesn’t help my golf game – it hinders it.  So I abstain from coffee on days I go golfing.  My tee time is 11:45 this morning.  Since I am lacking sufficient concentration of methylxanthine in my bloodstream, I find myself less than capable in most tasks.  Example:  I tried to code and forgot how to write a semi-colon.  I tried to play WoW but forgot I actually had to fight the monsters, not just stand there and watch them tear me limb from limb.  I tried to read xkcd but ended up just clicking “Next” repeatedly without actually looking at the comics.

I already know that I have a psychological dependency on caffeine.  The doc proved that one earlier.  Once in a while, I detox for a few days and then get back on it again.  Getting back on is harder than getting off.  After I’ve stopped coffee for a sufficient period of time, then when I do have it I get the shakes, upset stomach, rapid heart rate, etc.  Which is frustrating because I like caffeine for the mental and psychological benefits, not the physical.  Why does my CNS have to also control the rest of my body?  Shouldn’t there be a way to fuck with the adenosine cycle without altering the rest of my metabolic systems?

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