I just plain fail

Everyone who knows me knows that I tend to say rather insulting things without even realizing that they’re insulting.  I have been getting better lately, however.  Just this morning, I stopped myself from saying something that would have been damn rude.

I was at the coffee shop.  The baristas were all wearing their coffee shop uniforms.  One lady in particular was obviously very pregnant.  I noted that the oversized blanket-like maternity dress she was wearing did nothing for her appearance, which was quite nice before she got knocked up.

I mentally formed the sentence, “Wow.  Those corporate maternity uniforms are really freaking unflattering, huh?”  But I stopped short of actually saying that.  Probably only because my self-preservation instinct kicked in and helped me realize that pregnant women tend to fly into homicidal rages with little prior notice and that in implying that she was ugly (though that wasn’t the intent of my statement), I would’ve been signing my own death warrant.

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  1. #1 by Phillip on March 14, 2010 - 10:17 AM

    Friday was my mom’s birthday, and lately I’ve been having “Schmidisms” (so called because my dad’s side of the family is the one that is more prone to verbal gaffes). But, anyways, she was doing an hourly countdown and said that by midnight she’d be older.

    I meant to say “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be in bed by then.” It came out as “Oh, don’t worry, you’ll be dead by then.”

    • #2 by Joshua on March 14, 2010 - 11:01 AM

      LOL That’s just awesome!

    • #3 by Joshua on January 17, 2011 - 10:52 AM

      My 83-year old grandmother called her granddaughter a “lazy cunt” at breakfast this morning.

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