As I lie here, I’m feeling feelings that I’ve not felt for some time. I’m feeling anxious, and I know it’s for one of two reasons. One of these in my sudden jump in caffeine intake, the other is something that I’ve felt in years past. I’m not anxious about my future (though, I looked at my transcript and I DID take the right calc class to get into grad school), I’m not anxious about being jobless, but I know that I absolutely abhor this feeling. I despise the way that time seems to go so slow and it absolutely infuriates me that these feelings are continually here.
I don’t think it’s the caffeine causing this, but rather the other thing. Therein is my problem; the only way to allay this is to have rendered an answer. Yet, I only like hearing good answers, so I’m presented with this conundrum. Live with the anxiety, accept an answer that’s not one I wish to hear, or, maybe, get an answer that I’d be awaiting.
I know I shouldn’t feel anxious because I know it’s not the end of the world if I don’t get the answer I’m looking for. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really make a difference one way or another, but still.
Ahh, fuck it, there’s only one way to find out.