It truly is all about timing

Once in a while (less often now that I’m on SSRIs) I get into a mood where I think that the universe is conspiring against me. This time, I’m convinced that it’s mocking my lack of meaningful female companionship.

Exhibit A: <snipped due to the propensity of such discussion to cause division where there need not be any>
Exhibit B: Me finding a perfectly good unattached girl that I’m kinda interested in and before I get a chance to say something, two of my male friends jump in and start fighting over her. (Don’t worry – this isn’t at school so it isn’t about any of you guys.)
Exhibit C: This exact scenario playing out on TV on just about every cartoon show there is.

WTF? I’m totally convinced that there’s a conspiracy afoot.

Also: How do you fight an enemy you don’t know? Do you target the likely root cause and fight an uphill battle you have no chance of winning? Do you target the pawns first? And what if nobody else thinks there’s a problem?

So at any rate, if I seem all paranoid and shifty, it’s because the little wheels in my head are all spinning as I try to puzzle out the massive global conspiracy that’s obviously keeping me from getting a date.

The only women that seem to be at all interested in me are 50 years old and married.  Seriously – one of my frequent tech support clients who calls me for stupid crap has a wife and business partner who constantly asks me stuff like “Do you like this new sweater?” and does that stretching thing where she tries to show off her belly and stuff whenever I’m around.  I never pay attention to her and I think it’s funny and sad really.  Her husband treats her like garbage and I can understand her frustration but (a) she’s 30 years older than me, (b) even if she were my age, I wouldn’t be the least bit interested in her, and (c) she’s freaking married.  She need to get marriage counseling, see a shrink, file for divorce, something.  But hitting on me when I show up for tech support calls just isn’t cool in my book.

I’m only half-serious, BTW. I don’t really think that there’s a conspiracy but I’m having a hard time dealing with this particular issue since these kinds of things don’t follow a pattern I can easily recognize. It’s all counterintuitive and just when I think I have it figured out, shit happens all out of sync and just fucks it all to hell on me. I totally get that I don’t understand emotions at all. I tend to deal in facts, mathematics, logic, physics, repeatable tests, the scientific method, sound reasoning, etc. Sometimes when things like this come up, I concoct odd theories that fit within my understanding of the workings of the universe. Since emotion DOESN’T fit well with my understanding, I get odd results. Like when you get UNDEFINED for x/0 even though it should logically be ±∞. Allow me to leave you with the following thought:

xkcd - A webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, and language

Even the identity matrix doesn't work normally

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